Britain Loves a LaughFunny T-shirts
Ironic T-shirts have been a mainstay of British fashion for a good while now. Years ago wearing a T-shirt with the face of Mr. Blobby on would have made you look simple, now you are considered normal. And really, who doesn’t want to be considered normal?
Funny T-shirts are beloved by Britain especially those T-shirts with a British saying on.
Do you own any T-shirts that say:
- Strange Women Lying In Ponds Distributing Swords Is No Basis For A System Of Government
- You Say Potado… And I Say It Right
- I Have A Cunning Plan
- 100% British Beef
- Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?
- Don’t Mention The War
- Does This T-Shirt Make Me Look British?
- Keep Calm And Stop Buying These T-Shirts
- Bob’s Your Uncle
- Charlie Bit Me
- Pull My Finger
- British Do It Better
- What Time Does The Ten O’Clock Meeting Start?
- Not Only Am I Cute, I’m British Too
- How’s My Dancing? Call 0800 123456
- Stay On Your Feet
Wearing a humorous slogan across our chests is something that every nation should do. It’s like wearing a joke. We love it. Though, are people laughing with us or at us? Hmmm…
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By Tom Greaney
Britain Loves a LaughNewspaper headline puns
I can clearly remember the first brilliant pun I saw. I was nine and on holiday in Torquay. The name of the paper escapes me, but seeing the words ‘FRY ME KANGAROO BROWN, SPORT’ above an article about the increasing popularity of Kangaroo meat has stayed with me forever.
Although not solely confined to the tabloid press, The Guardian’s recent effort – ‘Higgs boson fever fills Cern with 24-hour particle people’ – proves that the broadsheets cannot hold a candle to the red tops and local newspapers when it comes to having pun. Here are some crackers.
From Russia With Gloves – The Sun
In 1994, Chelsea’s Russian goalkeeper Dimitri Kharin saved a penalty in Chelsea’s first European away game in years and was immortalized with this beauty.
Citroën on The Dock of The Bay – Cornish Local Press / Plymouth Evening Herald
There seems to be some debate over who used this first, so rather than anger the Cornish Liberation Front let’s just bask in its glory. We’d imagine the Mayor of Torpoint, whose car was stolen by joyriders and dumped in the Hamoaze Estuary, struggled to see the funny side of it.
Book Lack In Ongar – Private Eye
No list of puns would be complete without this stone cold classic relating to a library crisis in Essex.
Super Cally Goes Ballistic, QPR Atrocious – The Liverpool Echo
Although The Sun famously paid homage to this with ‘Super Caley Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious’ when John Barnes’ team were humiliated in the Scottish Cup by Inverness Caledonian Thistle in 2000, it was first wheeled out in the 1970s when Liverpool’s Ian Callaghan put QPR to the sword.
Hawk Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Park - The Sun
Only The Sun could turn a fight between a Kestrel and a Barn Owl into a pun that channels a 1970s British New Wave group. Genius.
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By Owen Blackhurst
Britain Loves EntertainmentStreet dance
If West End musicals have normalised the act of suddenly bursting into song, it’s the street dance trend that has made us expect to see groups of kids busting out their finest moves outside Barclays. Street dance may have started in the States, but it’s swept the UK and caught the imaginations of some incredibly talented people. Even the Isle of Man has started to host its first ever annual dance battle, in which ambitious dancers can bring their own backing music along and duel it out with other entrants.
The obsession with street dance might come from Britain’s love of dance movies. Films from Honey to Billy Elliot are about ordinary people discovering that the right moves can change their lives for the better. And after Diversity stormed the stage and stole our hearts on Britain’s Got Talent, we know that the power of street dance isn’t make believe.
If you want to try out some street dance moves, you don’t even have to hit the street. It’s become so popular that gyms all over the country are offering classes in it, so whether you’re a teen finding it tricky or a middle-aged mum who hasn’t danced in a while, you can learn some steps at a pace you feel comfortable with.
As with all sports, it’s important to wear the right kit, and with street dance, image is everything. Dancers favour low-slung tracksuit bottoms, tight, bright tees and visors. These clothes will let you move easily as well as making you look great. The most British part of our passion for street dance is that it’s made to be done in a group. There are solo stars, but the people of Britain are always going to be down for a dance that combines skill and teamwork.
Why not put your favourite street dance playlists on one of our smartphones here.
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By Lucy Peden
Britain Loves EntertainmentAgatha Christie Festival
Nobody likes getting murdered. Scientists have conclusively established this. But it’s a subject that fascinates everyone, from the lowliest butcher to the grandest purveyor of fine meat products. And there is only one lady’s name that comes to mind when murder is mentioned: Dame Agatha Christie.
Every September, Devon goes a little Christie crazy as her life and work are celebrated in the annual Agatha Christie Festival taking place on the English Riviera. And there will be murder mysteries everywhere. Oh look, is that an elderly man trying in vain to inflate a lilo in a high wind? No, it’s a murder mystery. Is that an angry businessman complaining about the quality of his continental breakfast? No, it’s a murder mystery. Is that a dog? No, it’s a murder mystery. There are murder mysteries all over the shop – even in the shops.
But it’s not just murder mysteries. There will be panels discussing the great lady’s work plus productions of some of her most celebrated writing. Cruises, ferry rides, train journeys and vintage bus tours will take in the significant locations in her life, plus there’ll be a ton of dances, garden parties, costumed balls, Christie quizzes and people dressed as Poirot. And many, many Devon cream teas. So many you will eventually be sick of the sight of them. Plus Torquay’s seafront joins in this crime jamboree with stalls selling goods from the era, jazz bands, Punch and Judy shows and fairground rides.
You can’t get more Agatha Christie than that. And did I mention the many murder mysteries? Oh, I see that I did. But did I get over the fact that there are murder mysteries everywhere, there might even be one happening right now? Even as you’re reading this, this could actually be some sort of murder mystery!
Spice up a Devon mini-break and incorporate this celebration of the Queen of Crime, as the English Riviera remembers one of its most famous daughters in a week-long Agatha Christie festival.
Visit www.englishriviera.co.uk/agathachristie for more information.
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By Dale Shaw
Britain Loves CollectingKitchen gadgets you don’t really need
You’ve only ever used that popcorn maker twice. But it’s there; safely tucked away at the back of the kitchen cupboard. And if you ever do get an urge to fill your face with popcorn - you know where to look.
Yes, you could probably survive without it, but that’s what makes kitchen gadgets so ace - we don’t need them. They represent wilful kitchen extravagance. It’s what Siegfried & Roy would use to chop their vegetables.
These are the gadgets we accumulate over the years, the stars of shopping channel ads and market stall demos. The magical choppers and demon slicers and dicers. The blenders (as in the video above, who needs a blender this powerful?) and stirrers and shakers and pasta makers.
In theory, they transform our kitchens into whizzing, whirring worlds of battery-powered automation and efficiency. But, truth be told, they’re mostly a bit fiddly to use.
We like the comfort of having an automatic stirrer in the cupboard - but it’s usually quicker to just use a spoon. But that’s okay. These kitchen wonders are designed to dazzle and amaze - not to be used.
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By Tom Law
Britain Loves ShoppingDressing up dogs
Britain loves a well dressed dog. And more importantly, dogs love being dressed up. You can tell this by the slightly worried expression a dog makes when photographed in an outfit. It’s their way of showing complete and utter joy at their owner’s decision to dress them in a pink glittery top and matching collar.
It all probably started innocently enough. A concerned pet owner thought their pup looked a bit chilly, popped a child’s-size top on it and doggy clothing was invented! Which frankly should have happened decades ago.
Every wannabe fashionista knows the importance of a well chosen accessory. Leaving the house with a naked Chihuahua slung under your arm only highlights your inability to put an outfit together. In the fashion faux pas stakes it’s the equivalent of nipping to the corner shop in your slippers.
Thankfully dressing your dog will prevent any crimes against couture. For maximum effect you could get matching outfits. You could colour co-ordinate your outfit to your pooch’s choice of evening wear; tuxedo for the gentleman, ball gown for the lady. Or perhaps you just both want to chillax in the park in a hoodie.
If you don’t want to deal with washing and ironing your pet’s clothes you can always follow Peaches Geldof’s hassle free option and just dye your dog’s hair!
Finally the all important complement to any outfit - a signature smell. A snip at £52.95, you can treat your hound to some Big Dawg perfume from Harrods. Though, I’m not sure there are notes of vanilla strong enough to overpower the stench of wet Labrador.
A special mention should also go to the fancy dress option for dogs. If a pug dressed up as Darth Vader doesn’t make your heart melt then there’s no hope for you.
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By Rebecca Lomax
Britain Loves ShoppingPumps
Fashion is a strange old beast. At the time it seems to make so much sense doesn’t it? I mean during the 90s everyone else was wearing a T-shirt that changed colour in the heat so you thought you should too. Yet when you take out the photo album (a concept to be lost on future generations of digital photo hoarders) and look back at your clothes you just think, “What was I thinking?”
Britain may well be in the thrall of such a current trend. It all makes sense now but will it in a decade’s time? See, what were once your nan’s shoes for going out in the garden with are now a must have fashion accessory. Pumps. Everyone is wearing them. As light in weight as they are in durability, these shoes have a lifetime shorter than a mayfly with a heart complaint.
So why do we love a pair of pumps? Well, first, they are comfortable. Flat pumps don’t bring about severe spine trauma in later life that high heels do. Second, they are perfect for all occasions, they can be worn to dinner, work, fashion week, an everyday item that every girl needs. Third, unlike in our nan’s day we now have more options than plain old black. Today, pumps come in all different styles and colours and we love them for it.
Britons across the land love nothing more than popping on some pumps for a night out, evening in or to go out in the garden just as their nan did years ago. If they were good enough for Audrey Hepburn and your nan (apologies if Audrey Hepburn is also your nan) then they are good enough for all of us.
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By Tom Greaney
Britain Loves a EntertainmentWide boys
When in 2004 Only Fools and Horses was voted as Britain’s Greatest Ever Sitcom, it proved once and for all that we love a wide boy. Of course, John Sullivan’s tremendous writing played a part in this, but it was the performance of David Jason as Derek ‘Del Boy’ Trotter and his dodgy Russian camcorders that struck a chord with multiple generations of Brits.
From Robin Hood to Del Boy via Minder, Private Walker from Dad’s Army and the Artful Dodger (the character from Oliver! rather than the Garage artist, obviously) Britain’s love for these loveable rogues has resulted in several nicknames. So, whether you know them as a wide boy, a spiv, a jack the lad or a wheeler-dealer, here are some of our favourites…
Derek ‘Del Boy’ Trotter
The undisputed king of the wide boys. So beloved by the nation that his catchphrases - from the ubiquitous ‘lovely jubbly’ and ‘plonker’ to the ridiculous ‘mange tout’ and ‘petis pois’ - have gained a permanent place in the lexicon.
Harry ‘Arry’ Redknapp
In not getting the England job and being bizarrely sacked by Tottenham, Harry Redknapp has been dealt a rough hand. But, even though he refutes his status as a wheeler-dealer, we’re sure he’ll be back on his feet in no time and telling us all how t’riffic life is.
Dominic ‘Dom’ Littlewood
The classic case of poacher turned gamekeeper. Until 2001 Littlewood was a bona fide second-hand car salesman, but now uses his expertise to hunt down wide boy burglars and counterfeiters on Cowboy Builders, Fake Britain and Don’t Get Done, Get Dom.
Terry ‘Talk To Me’ Tibbs
Whether he’s trying to buy an antique fireplace off an elderly lady in North Wales or offering over the odds for a Rolls Royce, Tibbs’ ‘Talk To Me’ sketches from his used-car office are what make Fonejacker essential viewing.
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By Owen Blackhurst
Britain Loves ShoppingWellies
Whether you’re heading to a festival or just heading out on a walk, a great Briton knows that a pair of wellies isn’t just a means of protecting yourself from the elements. They’re the ultimate fashion statement.
British icons Kate Moss and Alexa Chung were the first to show that the humble welly could be accessorised. Now celebs from every area of the media regularly get spotted in boots. Amy Childs of “TOWIE” and Millie Mackintosh of Made In Chelsea might not have much in common, but they were both seen at the same event in similar footwear. Long socks and short shorts will stop any concerned styleophiles from being mistaken for a rambler. The classic brand to wear is Hunter – although the name has only appeared in fashion pages for the last five years, they’ve made boots for over a century, and was awarded a royal warrant in the seventies.
Traditional plain green wellies might seem as British as a conversation about the weather, but welly fans like to make a statement. You’re much more likely to see boots in shocking pink, electric blue or mustard yellow when you’re out in town, and even Damien Hirst’s iconic butterfly print is available in welly form if you visit the Tate gift shop.
In our unreliable climate, wellies make practical footwear whether you’re into country living or if you’re a city dweller. Farmer Simon Maben was lucky enough to be wearing his wellies when a 50,000 volt power cable fell on his tractor. If his rubber boots didn’t stop the current from being grounded, he would have been electrocuted. So it’s not just a figure of speech. Wellies can literally be a lifesaver. Britons rely on their boots to keep them safe and dry – and that’s why they love them.
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By Lucy Peden
Britain Loves EntertainmentCelebrity couples
Britain loves celebrities, or more specifically celebrity couples. Tracking who’s dating who is high on our list of priorities along with food, shelter and water. If we’re not up to date on Z-listers love lives frankly our own social status will wither and die. No-one wants to be out of the loop during that all important mid-morning water cooler chat in the office.
Having the latest gossip on which Made In Chelsea toff is boffing the other is our social currency. We trade it back and forth in hushed tones, even though we’re in Stockton-on-Tees and 250 miles away from anyone off the telly.
What makes famous fumblings even more fascinating is the seemingly never ending chain of people that are connected to each other. On the map of celebrity shenanigans you can travel from A-List to Z-List in just a couple of steps.
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By Rebecca Lomax
Britain Loves a LaughWearing a onesie
What do you put on when you want to stay comfy and cosy but keep your look cool too? That would be a onesie. Britain has embraced the all-in-one suit with the enthusiasm of a baby ripping open a box of Rusks. They might not be the most practical item you’ll ever own – going to the toilet is tricky – but onesies are still flying off the shelves and into our wardrobes.
The perfect place for the onesie is the bedroom. If you’re coupled up, it doesn’t have the same romantic allure as a lace negligee, but your other half won’t be able to resist giving you a big cuddle. Although wearing your all-in-one will make you feel as if you’re being hugged anyway. And once they’re on, it’s very hard to make yourself take them off again, which is why so many Brits are seen running out to buy papers or popping to the post office in their adult babygrows.
They’re also perfect for dressing up. As well as coming in a variety of colours, fabrics and patterns, you can get suits to make you look like a dog, rabbit or even a dinosaur. If you’re into effort free fancy dress, you can wear your onesie to a party with pride and it doesn’t matter if you fall asleep in the cab home afterwards.
At festivals, it’s hard for anyone to get lost if someone in your group is dressed in a bright suit or looks like an animal. You could even instigate an all-in-one dress code for the weekend and get all your mates in matching onesies. And as the suits are becoming so popular, you could end up meeting more onesie wearing friends when you’re there. So do some great British bonding!
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By Lucy Peden
Britain Loves EntertainmentThe everyman celebrity
Every year, queues for reality TV shows stretch for miles. Maniacs doing vocal runs, hot girls who insist that if they’ve got a problem with someone they’ll tell them, umpteen dance troupes - all hoping to become rich and famous beyond their wildest dreams.
Only, as it goes, without a decent skill to fall back on, these hopefuls tend to peak early then disappear for good. No. A good reality show star needs a trade, they need to have a line in bricklaying, or DIY. That way, once their shiny personality has dazzled its last dazzle, they can still find a home on daytime TV, filling the late afternoon void with all manner of helpful DIY bumph. Think of Craig Phillips from Big Brother 1 - the man who outsmarted Nasty Nick, took all of his clothes off more than once, and even tried to crash the pop charts.
Without Craig’s bricklaying and DIY skills, he’d be just another Scott Turner (a man no one remembers from Big Brother 4, FYI). Yep, Britain loves a back to basics handy man alright.
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By Josh Burt
Britain Loves a LaughPulling a sickie
“I’m sorry, I can’t come in today *cough!* I’ve been sucked into a hole in the space continuum and I’m trapped in 1955!”
Britain is brilliant at pulling sickies. Let’s face it, we’ve all done it. When we can’t face the grind of another day slaving over the photocopier and watching the clock. When we’ve had enough of Leanne from accounts talking about her wedding. When we just can’t go on another minute staring at spreadsheets and smiling that fake smile at the boss. Call it a ‘mental health day’ if you will, but sometimes we just want to stick it to The Man and grab ourselves some valuable free time. Either that or we are actually sick.
With the average public sector worker taking on average 12 sick days a year (or Fun Days, as we should really call them), Britain is best at coming up with amazing excuses for taking a nice little one-day holiday and coming up smiling Monday morning.
Here’s a quick list of some of the best real-life sick day excuses used on British employers…
- “A chicken attacked my mother”
- “I’ve got my fingers stuck in a bowling ball”
- “I can’t come in, my glass eye fell out and I can’t find it.”
- “My house has locked me in.”
- “My sink is blocked.”
- “I’m ill in bed with my gran.”
- “A pitbull just ate my cat.”
- “A cow broke into my house.”
- “My dog tried to eat a box of staples while I was in the shower and I need to keep an eye on things.”
- “My bed broke and I’m trapped under it.”
So at the risk of getting your P45, have a little rest, especially on the first Monday of February which is statistically the day most likely for employees to phone in sick.
You get unlimited free texts on pay-as-you-go with T-Mobile when you top up just £10 a month. Why not use your free texts to get as many people as you can to cover for you at work? Click here to see the offer.
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By Lucy Sweet
Britain Loves a LaughTumblr speak
Tumblr is precious. It’s one of the few places left in social media land where you’re safe from being ‘followed’ by your mum – unless she’s into LOLcats or photos of teens with tattoos. What has helped preserve this oasis of oddity is Tumblr speak – the fine wine of Internet slang.
It’s a beautifully deranged language, full of in-jokes and obscure references, which act as the “Keep Out!” sign on Tumblr’s bedroom door. So while nobody’s looking – let’s take a quick peek at this mystical tongue.
Hnng
Term used to describe extreme attraction; commonly found next to endless photos of Dr Who actor, Matt Smith.
I Know That Feel Bro
It started life as a caption accompanying a drawing of two bald men hugging but has become a catch-all term for showing sympathy or empathy.
I’m Dying Here
Not to be taken literally; this is used when you’re overcome by laughter or any extreme emotion – such as reacting to a cute kitten dressed in dungarees.
Ship
This is short for relationship and can be used in the real world as an effective method to inform people that you’re an totally in love, “You in ‘ship?”
Life Ruiner
An ace term to describe somebody, usually a celeb, who is so utterly perfect and brilliant that they make your own life seem a bit rubbish.
;alksjdf;lksfd
This is used when you’re so excited/shocked/bored with something that you’re unable to type. But make sure you spell it right or the Tumblr cats will point at you and laugh.
GPOY
Acronym for Gratuitous Picture of Yourself. Something used to acknowledge the inner show off that Tumblr brings out in people – especially those who have great tattoos.
SMH
This one’s great. It’s short for Shaking My Head and recreates that disappointed look of a parent as their teenage child belches loudly.
OTP
Acronym for One True Pairing and usually refers to combinations of celebrities or fictional characters that would make the perfect couple.
What Is Air?
Used when you’re so discombobulated by something that you’re struggling to breathe. But some Tumblr elders say it’s when you forget the existence of a French electronica band.
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By Tom Law
Britain Loves EntertainmentNotting Hill Carnival - August 26th
The August bank holiday is a special time in Britain. It’s a chance for a last hurrah. For picnics and barbecues and weekend breaks before everyone heads back to work for autumn. People all over the country plan parties and London plays host to the biggest party of all – the Notting Hill Carnival.
It was originally set up in 1965 by the West Indian community of West London, and now the parade route has expanded over twenty miles. Approximately a million people from all over the world come to London for music, incredible costumes and traditional Caribbean cooking. It’s said to be the second biggest carnival in the world, after the Rio carnival in Brazil.
Carnival is noisy, crowded and frenetic. Unofficially, Sunday is Kids’ Day – which is a great way to experience the event when things are a little bit calmer and more family friendly. Monday is all about mates, music and after-parties, with all sorts of sound systems competing for your attention. Hipster Brits will focus on getting on the guest list for the Major Lazer Red Bull after-party, which has hosted artists from Toots and the Maytals to M.I.A. But if you don’t make it, you can still get dazzled by the sequinned, feathered costumes worn by dancers on the floats as you get stuck into the drink.
And the food is fabulous. If you’ve already tried jerk chicken, enjoy some ackee and saltfish. It’s a typical breakfast dish, so it will set you up for a full day of dancing.
If you’re planning a relaxing day out, Carnival probably isn’t for you. However, if you’re one of the many Britons who can have fun anywhere as long as the music’s great, then it’s the perfect way to end the summer.
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By Lucy Peden
