Britain Loves EntertainmentTuneless whistling
If it was performed on The Culture Show, they would give it a posh name like - free-form vocal expressionism, or something. But we know it simply as whistling.
But it’s that particular type of tuneless whistle that your dad does when he’s varnishing or fixing something. It’s the same whistle that delivery men (yes, it does seem to be a male thing) do as they yomp up your driveway with a package.
It’s the birdsong of the contented British worker; the sound of somebody who’s cheerful and they don’t mind you knowing about it. The very best whistlers can warble for 20 to 30 minutes without ever drifting into any discernible melody - it’s something that only comes with practice.
Clever people say that whistling dates back to before humans could talk and the likes of Roger Whittaker, The Clangers and Whistling Jack Smith have helped bring whistling into the mainstream - even Peppa Pig has got in on the act. But for tuneless whistlers it’s not about fame or fortune. It’s about whistling – tunelessly.
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By Tom Law
Britain Loves EntertainmentPantomime villains
Pantomimes have been popular since the very beginning of time – or more specifically since the Middle Ages, when clean-living teens would re-enact what it’s like to fall in love with beautiful princes and princesses for the benefit of children with short attention spans. “But what’s in it for the adults?” you probably just shouted, and it’s a good question. The answer is the villain, first made popular by shifty overweight men with moustaches, now generally less moustached and a bit more like Simon Cowell – the archetypal modern day scoundrel.
They’re basically characters to shout at disapprovingly, whilst secretly admiring them for being so magnificently rotten - the exact opposite of your typical British gent, who tends to hate being anything less than blisteringly polite at all times. In order of brilliance, at last count the nation’s favourite panto villains included the aforementioned Cowell, Mario Balotelli, Gaston from Beauty and the Beast and the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
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By Josh Burt
Britain Loves EntertainmentRooting for the underdog
There are winners in life. And I’m sure they are lovely. Well done. We all appreciate your commitment and achievements. Now please step aside, because you are monumentally boring. We Brits don’t appreciate victory. What we hanker for is a good story. Winners don’t supply us with good stories; underdogs do.
We like the runts, the nuts, the chronically talentless. We don’t admire cunning, dedication and work rate. Oh no, what we look for in a hero is blind, unwarranted enthusiasm in the face of overwhelming odds. People who don’t recognise the words ‘for God’s sake stop doing that, you are going to get yourself killed’. Those are the greats that we admire.
There was a man. Let’s call him Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards (pictured above). This man had a dream. The dream of being an Olympic ski-jumper despite the fact he had never seen snow nor ever fully grasped what skiing actually was. He sweated, he tried and he failed. Magnificently. And we cheered him every step of the way, as there’s no fun in backing some lycra-clad man-mountain who can actually ski-jump with a modicum of success. We want to root for a man who will only be victorious if a particularly malicious nanovirus wipes out the rest of the competition.
The British love a noble failure or a feisty fellow willing to face up to life’s bullies, brush himself off and go down in flames, spectacularly. Whether it’s an embarrassingly awful talent show contestant, screaming abuse at Simon Cowell or the latest futile attempts of our football teams, we love to back the runner with the longest odds and support them without question as they don’t even get out of the starting gate.
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By Dale Shaw
Britain Loves EntertainmentSummer fair
It’s not just the Jubilee that brings small towns out to put tables on the green and sell cross-stitch masterpieces. A town fair is a uniquely British affair, where all the best grannies, granddads and grandchildren come out to play.
What are the key ingredients to a summer fair?
Games
Coconut Shy, Beat the Goalie (as pictured above by Lamar Francois) and Splat the Rat are the mainstays of a brilliant summer fair. The Coconut Shy is a double-edged sword of a game where if you win you end up with a coconut that stays in your kitchen for months before being thrown out. Beat the Goalie generally sees an 8 year old try and fail to score a penalty against a morbidly obese man. Splat the Rat is a game of reactions that usually leaves you depressed at the slowness of your own hand to eye coordination.
Animals
Great summer fairs often provide a petting zoo for children to get up close and personal with goats. You might even be able to ride around on a donkey that is old enough to recall once carrying your dad around the same fete years ago. Exotic fairs will even have tropical animals such as alpacas, which are frightening to children due to their ability for violent toxic spitting.
Vegetable Contests
No summer fair is complete without the judging of who owns the longest carrot in the village. A local radio DJ will normally have the honour, (though presumably not the expertise) to decide on the best fruit and veg presented. With an unfathomably large cabbage taking home the medal once again.
Summer fetes and fairs are the definitive pinnacle of British summer, especially the ones that get rained off.
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By Tom Greaney
Britain Loves EntertainmentHair extensions
The ladies of Britain are hairy - on their heads at least. If you fancy ditching your pixie crop for waist length locks or channelling Jessica Rabbit instead of Marilyn Monroe, with hair extensions you can reinvent yourself on a regular basis.
British girls might be inspired by stateside stars like Rihanna, Katy Perry and Beyoncé, who regularly showcase weaves and hairpieces in their videos, but they’re more likely to show the look off in Londis than on MTV. Whether they’re hitting the dance floor or walking across the office carpet, hair extensions play a big part in the lives of thousands of British women.
Liverpool
Loose curls and glossy locks are popular because classic glamour is an enduring trend. The girls going to top bars like Azure and Circo are in an unofficial contest to see who has the thickest, shiniest, most sophisticated do – and competition is fierce.
London
The urban look is everything, and ladies sport pink, blue or green clip-in extensions everywhere from Dalston to Dulwich.
Newcastle
Geordie lasses love dip dye hairpieces, and for southern girls, curls are where it’s at. Thanks to the priestess of style, Kate Middleton, being a brunette looks more fun than ever, and hair extensions let everyone try the look out for themselves without having to fork out for a £600 blow dry. In 2012, fake hair is the real deal.
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By Lucy Peden
Britain Loves EntertainmentCycling
Close your eyes and imagine any road in Britain. Statistics say that you will almost definitely have just imagined people cycling. Right? Yeah you did. We love cycling in this country. Absolutely love it. Perhaps not as much as the Dutch love it, and not quite to the same extent that the people of Vietnam love their mopeds, but we’re not far behind.
Bicycles are great, and British cyclists fall into two camps. You’ve got the people who choose to hone a whippet-like frame, cover themselves top to toe in Lycra, and take their commute to work far too seriously. Some of them wear special shoes, some probably wear protective goggles. And then, in the meatier section of the venn diagram – if indeed this is a venn diagram – are the people in between. Otherwise known as “everyone else”.
The people who might have a pootle on a Boris Bike, or those who spent their childhood cycling slowly around town, occasionally doing clumsy wheelies to impress passing groups of girls. People who understand the quiet satisfaction of a weekend bike ride without turning it into a race. Yeah man, bikes are brilliant.
If you’re heading out on a weekend cycle, use our coverage checker to be sure you’ll be safe with signal on your phone wherever you’re riding to. We aim to have the best signal in the UK, so chances are you’ll be fine!
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By Josh Burt
Britain Loves EntertainmentStreet dance
If West End musicals have normalised the act of suddenly bursting into song, it’s the street dance trend that has made us expect to see groups of kids busting out their finest moves outside Barclays. Street dance may have started in the States, but it’s swept the UK and caught the imaginations of some incredibly talented people. Even the Isle of Man has started to host its first ever annual dance battle, in which ambitious dancers can bring their own backing music along and duel it out with other entrants.
The obsession with street dance might come from Britain’s love of dance movies. Films from Honey to Billy Elliot are about ordinary people discovering that the right moves can change their lives for the better. And after Diversity stormed the stage and stole our hearts on Britain’s Got Talent, we know that the power of street dance isn’t make believe.
If you want to try out some street dance moves, you don’t even have to hit the street. It’s become so popular that gyms all over the country are offering classes in it, so whether you’re a teen finding it tricky or a middle-aged mum who hasn’t danced in a while, you can learn some steps at a pace you feel comfortable with.
As with all sports, it’s important to wear the right kit, and with street dance, image is everything. Dancers favour low-slung tracksuit bottoms, tight, bright tees and visors. These clothes will let you move easily as well as making you look great. The most British part of our passion for street dance is that it’s made to be done in a group. There are solo stars, but the people of Britain are always going to be down for a dance that combines skill and teamwork.
Why not put your favourite street dance playlists on one of our smartphones here.
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By Lucy Peden
Britain Loves a EntertainmentWide boys
When in 2004 Only Fools and Horses was voted as Britain’s Greatest Ever Sitcom, it proved once and for all that we love a wide boy. Of course, John Sullivan’s tremendous writing played a part in this, but it was the performance of David Jason as Derek ‘Del Boy’ Trotter and his dodgy Russian camcorders that struck a chord with multiple generations of Brits.
From Robin Hood to Del Boy via Minder, Private Walker from Dad’s Army and the Artful Dodger (the character from Oliver! rather than the Garage artist, obviously) Britain’s love for these loveable rogues has resulted in several nicknames. So, whether you know them as a wide boy, a spiv, a jack the lad or a wheeler-dealer, here are some of our favourites…
Derek ‘Del Boy’ Trotter
The undisputed king of the wide boys. So beloved by the nation that his catchphrases - from the ubiquitous ‘lovely jubbly’ and ‘plonker’ to the ridiculous ‘mange tout’ and ‘petis pois’ - have gained a permanent place in the lexicon.
Harry ‘Arry’ Redknapp
In not getting the England job and being bizarrely sacked by Tottenham, Harry Redknapp has been dealt a rough hand. But, even though he refutes his status as a wheeler-dealer, we’re sure he’ll be back on his feet in no time and telling us all how t’riffic life is.
Dominic ‘Dom’ Littlewood
The classic case of poacher turned gamekeeper. Until 2001 Littlewood was a bona fide second-hand car salesman, but now uses his expertise to hunt down wide boy burglars and counterfeiters on Cowboy Builders, Fake Britain and Don’t Get Done, Get Dom.
Terry ‘Talk To Me’ Tibbs
Whether he’s trying to buy an antique fireplace off an elderly lady in North Wales or offering over the odds for a Rolls Royce, Tibbs’ ‘Talk To Me’ sketches from his used-car office are what make Fonejacker essential viewing.
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By Owen Blackhurst
Britain Loves EntertainmentCelebrity couples
Britain loves celebrities, or more specifically celebrity couples. Tracking who’s dating who is high on our list of priorities along with food, shelter and water. If we’re not up to date on Z-listers love lives frankly our own social status will wither and die. No-one wants to be out of the loop during that all important mid-morning water cooler chat in the office.
Having the latest gossip on which Made In Chelsea toff is boffing the other is our social currency. We trade it back and forth in hushed tones, even though we’re in Stockton-on-Tees and 250 miles away from anyone off the telly.
What makes famous fumblings even more fascinating is the seemingly never ending chain of people that are connected to each other. On the map of celebrity shenanigans you can travel from A-List to Z-List in just a couple of steps.
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By Rebecca Lomax
Britain Loves EntertainmentThe everyman celebrity
Every year, queues for reality TV shows stretch for miles. Maniacs doing vocal runs, hot girls who insist that if they’ve got a problem with someone they’ll tell them, umpteen dance troupes - all hoping to become rich and famous beyond their wildest dreams.
Only, as it goes, without a decent skill to fall back on, these hopefuls tend to peak early then disappear for good. No. A good reality show star needs a trade, they need to have a line in bricklaying, or DIY. That way, once their shiny personality has dazzled its last dazzle, they can still find a home on daytime TV, filling the late afternoon void with all manner of helpful DIY bumph. Think of Craig Phillips from Big Brother 1 - the man who outsmarted Nasty Nick, took all of his clothes off more than once, and even tried to crash the pop charts.
Without Craig’s bricklaying and DIY skills, he’d be just another Scott Turner (a man no one remembers from Big Brother 4, FYI). Yep, Britain loves a back to basics handy man alright.
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By Josh Burt
Britain Loves EntertainmentPerforming animals
Having a bad day? Performing animals are guaranteed to put a smile on any upstanding British person’s face. A dog that says ‘sausages’? Yes please! A cat that can play the Moonlight Sonata? Bring it on! No matter how much adversity we have to face in our daily lives, the sight of an animal performing a little funny dance can brighten even the darkest of hours.
Some pets really do have what it takes to be megastars, as anyone who watched Britain’s Got Talent winner Pudsey will know. Pudsey, a brown eyed, furry bundle of cuteness, even managed to melt the heart of Simon Cowell when him and his 16-year-old owner Ashleigh danced, jumped and goofed around in perfect rhythm. Then there’s the internet sensation of the decade – Fenton – the dog (and owner) who couldn’t behave around deer. He’s so popular he scored 6 million hits on Youtube, and you can even buy Fenton merchandise.
Any dog that can sing for his supper (literally) is catnip to Britain’s animal lovers, as is any cat, hamster or ferret that can knit, dance, wear a top hat and sing God Save the Queen. Talented, funny or just plain out of control animals are adorable, hilarious and oh so British. And let’s be honest, some animals are just superior to humans. This cat can even DRIVE A FIRE ENGINE.
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By Lucy Sweet
Britain Loves EntertainmentNotting Hill Carnival - August 26th
The August bank holiday is a special time in Britain. It’s a chance for a last hurrah. For picnics and barbecues and weekend breaks before everyone heads back to work for autumn. People all over the country plan parties and London plays host to the biggest party of all – the Notting Hill Carnival.
It was originally set up in 1965 by the West Indian community of West London, and now the parade route has expanded over twenty miles. Approximately a million people from all over the world come to London for music, incredible costumes and traditional Caribbean cooking. It’s said to be the second biggest carnival in the world, after the Rio carnival in Brazil.
Carnival is noisy, crowded and frenetic. Unofficially, Sunday is Kids’ Day – which is a great way to experience the event when things are a little bit calmer and more family friendly. Monday is all about mates, music and after-parties, with all sorts of sound systems competing for your attention. Hipster Brits will focus on getting on the guest list for the Major Lazer Red Bull after-party, which has hosted artists from Toots and the Maytals to M.I.A. But if you don’t make it, you can still get dazzled by the sequinned, feathered costumes worn by dancers on the floats as you get stuck into the drink.
And the food is fabulous. If you’ve already tried jerk chicken, enjoy some ackee and saltfish. It’s a typical breakfast dish, so it will set you up for a full day of dancing.
If you’re planning a relaxing day out, Carnival probably isn’t for you. However, if you’re one of the many Britons who can have fun anywhere as long as the music’s great, then it’s the perfect way to end the summer.
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By Lucy Peden
Britain Loves EntertainmentBog Snorkelling Championships - August 26th
Snorkelling is as pleasant a pastime as one could imagine, offering a chance to become one with nature and gaze upon the wonders of life beneath the water line. Yet every year in the smallest town in Britain, people take an alternative approach to what we traditionally know snorkelling to be.
In August at the site of Waen Rhydd Peat bog on the outer edge of Llanwrytd Wells, in Powys, Wales, hundreds of competitors race against each other to attain the fastest time for completing two lengths of a 180ft boggy trench. No “conventional” swimming strokes are allowed; although competitors are permitted to wear flippers and traditional snorkel wear.
Snorkellers and oddballs come from all over the world to compete in this increasingly famous event. Some dress up as grannies complete with handbags, others train hard and come to win. The current world champion is Andrew Holmes from Yorkshire, and the junior and female world champion is Dineka McGuire from Northern Ireland, both achieving sub 90 second records.
The locals love the competition. Some pub regulars, thinking of ways to earn money for charity, dreamt it up in 1976. The event makes money for charity to this day and puts the tiny town of Llanwrytd Wells, with a population of just over 700 people, on the map.
Apart from the disaster of 1995 when the event had to be cancelled due to drought, aspiring snorkellers have been able to wade, wriggle and splash through the dark peaty bog for the last three decades. Bog snorkelling: weird, eccentric and very British.
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By Tom Greaney
Britain Loves EntertainmentHaving a bit of a do
The Queen’s Jubilee, Royal Weddings, the anniversary of the near destruction of parliament, give us any excuse and we’re out there with fireworks, fancy costumes and confetti. Britain loves a good knees-up and we do it best.
So what makes a British party brilliant?
Street Parties
Members of the United Kingdom are the kings and queens of street parties. Historically held to celebrate such life changing events as VE day and the signing of the Treaty of Versailles, this year we have been using any old excuse to get tables on the street, bunting around the lampposts and Sue down the road to make her legendary Strawberry Sponge Cake.
Dressing Up
In America on Halloween everyone spends hundreds of dollars on fancy dress that is designed only to make them look good. So women go out as cheerleaders and men as pilots from Top Gun. In Britain, we have no truck for such vanity. When we dress up, we don’t care what we look like. The sillier you look the better.
Food
Mini everything. Britons love nothing more than to get their favourite food, miniaturise it and then eat loads of them. Mini sausages, mini scotch eggs and mini cupcakes are the order of the day when us Britons have a do. Surely eating a pound of mini sausage rolls isn’t as unhealthy as eating one normal-sized one right?
Every now and then the whole of the nation joins together in celebration. The event doesn’t really matter, what’s important is the party and Britain loves a bit of a do.
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By Tom Greaney
Britain Loves EntertainmentRoald Dahl outdoor theatre
Before J.K. Rowling even thought of putting pen to paper and creating the Harry Potter stories there was an author similarly loved by children and adults alike - Roald Dahl. Probably most famous for writing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Dahl penned a collection of funny and sometimes dark children’s books.
One of the darkest and grubbiest of Dahl’s books is The Twits, and despite being published over thirty years ago it is still as popular as ever. Now adapted for the stage, The Twits and their ‘friends’ the Roly-Poly Bird and Mugglewump the Monkey are coming to Epping Forest this summer.
On Tuesday August 21st The Temple Enclosure will stage the hilarious play packed with antics and fun effects. The story centres around the elderly Mr & Mrs Twit who may be two of the most hilariously loathsome characters ever written. They dislike children and animals and spend their time playing disgusting tricks on each other.
Seeing The Twits on stage is an ideal way to entertain the kids and introduce them to the wonderfully imaginative and creative world of Roald Dahl. Pack a picnic and enjoy the fun family afternoon in the outdoor theatre.
Warning: Mr Twit’s festering beard full of rotten food scraps may put you off your lunch so eat before the play begins!
Visit www.illyria.uk.com for all ticket information, times and pricing.
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By Rebecca Lomax
