What Britain Loves

Britain Loves EntertainmentSummer fair

It’s not just the Jubilee that brings small towns out to put tables on the green and sell cross-stitch masterpieces. A town fair is a uniquely British affair, where all the best grannies, granddads and grandchildren come out to play.

What are the key ingredients to a summer fair?

Games

Coconut Shy, Beat the Goalie (as pictured above by Lamar Francois) and Splat the Rat are the mainstays of a brilliant summer fair. The Coconut Shy is a double-edged sword of a game where if you win you end up with a coconut that stays in your kitchen for months before being thrown out. Beat the Goalie generally sees an 8 year old try and fail to score a penalty against a morbidly obese man. Splat the Rat is a game of reactions that usually leaves you depressed at the slowness of your own hand to eye coordination.

Animals

Great summer fairs often provide a petting zoo for children to get up close and personal with goats. You might even be able to ride around on a donkey that is old enough to recall once carrying your dad around the same fete years ago. Exotic fairs will even have tropical animals such as alpacas, which are frightening to children due to their ability for violent toxic spitting.

Vegetable Contests

No summer fair is complete without the judging of who owns the longest carrot in the village. A local radio DJ will normally have the honour, (though presumably not the expertise) to decide on the best fruit and veg presented. With an unfathomably large cabbage taking home the medal once again.

Summer fetes and fairs are the definitive pinnacle of British summer, especially the ones that get rained off.

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By Tom Greaney